I try so much to let myself into your life. Maybe I'm just trying to crash myself in because I'm frustrated. I'm frustrated of being on the outside. Of being the 'guest'. I thought we were more than that. I'm not sure if sometimes I tend to be emotionally independent when I don't want to because you want me to be so. You want to teach me how to suffer the consequences. And I will willingly deserve all the punishment if it makes you happy. I will learn how to self-comfort, self-soothe, be less selfish and not impose. But despite all that, despite all that unhappiness, I will find the time to look for you without looking for you. I will buy you medicine and place it at your door and hope for you to discover it soon and get well soon and I'll be okay even if you do not thank me for it. Maybe you want for me to slowly fade away. You want me to see that I'm no longer the girl you'll go distances for. I'm no longer the girl who deserves your comfort. I'm no longer the girl you write notes to and placards for and calls her your princess whilst you shamelessly embarrass me on my chauffeured ride to school. We have grown. But it doesn't mean we have to grow apart from each other and learn to be independent. We've stopped talking like we were long-lost friends and you'll sit in the car to tell me stories and I'll listen with my eyes full of hope.