Swirling stuff in my head

Thoughts in my head last night - Has been a while since I've gave thought to them. Whatever it is, I know all too well to know that I'm not the angsty sort. I'm not and won't ever be the angsty sort. I tried for months to get us talking, get us being friends again. But you know what, it takes two hands to clap. I can't force you to be friends with me despite my obvious intention in wanting to do so or be so. Also because, it will be unfair to be hung up over the fact that you don't want to be friends with me when there is someone out there who wants to give up the world for me right now. I know it may sound foolishly naive or whatever but I want to live in the moment. The truth is, I miss the bunch of you. This shouldn't change things because we are more mature than that. We are mature enough to realise that, things happen I guess. I am sad that we are broken up and sad that we aren't talking. But i want to be happy too. Because wallowing is not where I want to be. I spent months crying on the phone w Char and I think there are days where she wants to slap me because I cannot see the bigger picture. I cannot see what she can see - that we are lapsing and that we are not good for each other. 

I'm definitely at a much better place now. It took me some time, going around, being lost, but at least, I've found some sorta ground now. I've met someone who shares the same passion as me. Gives the most awesome massage EVER. Holds my hand, walks side by side w me, isn't shy to kiss me in public it's almost as if we are in our own little bubble and he can't seem to get enough of my company. Someone who gets a little grumpy when I'm on my phone too much or when he's hungry and I'm digressing. I feel like I'm imposing less as compared to the 'me' before, being less demanding, being less angry. I don't know. Maybe it's just cos it seems like I don't have to ask for a lot now cos everything becomes a given. 

I'm happy.

and i want you to be happy too.

if you choose to see the bad in me, then you never knew me at all. cos you know it isn't true.